Quick Update regarding the last post...
I'm doing better. Getting all that out through writing helped. That night I talked to Brian and asked him what time I should have dinner on the table, etc. My sweet husband said "did we go over this a few months ago." Haha, 'yes, yes we did but we will keep going over it again and again until I get it!'
So I made myself a loose evening schedule and posted it on my cabinets. Last week went pretty well. Not perfect but on target. And that is about all I can ask for or expect.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Order and Routines- Frustrations
I really need something to change here. How do you have "a house of order" and how do you stick to routines\ rhythms in your day with your children, especially if it isn't in your nature? I have been battling with this for so long and I'm just plain frustrated. I'm getting so frazzled by the end of the day and I just want to stop having to be constantly on Garrett to do what he needs to do in order to get ready for the day or finish the day. I need to build this foundation, get these kids and myself in better habits, so I can have smoother days. It really comes down to good-morning routines and good-night routines.
I'm totally whining here. But I can't get everything done. Good things I need to be doing with my kids aren't getting done. I am not a routine\schedule person and our family before kids never was much either. I keep saying I"m going to try Plan XYZ and I just never stick with it long enough for it to actually become a habit and to work.
Here are some of my challenges I'm up against:
-My baby never gets enough sleep. I just know he doesn't. I can't ever seem to give him constant naps (plus he just has never been a good napper.) The most consisted we are getting at this point is he will take a nap around 2ish- these very often happen in the car while I drive Garrett to his classes and then sit in the car while Tristan sleep. Some of my challenge of having a consistent nap is the fact I have a school aged homeschooled kid and a young toddler. But even when we are home all week, it doesn't happen. No matter what, he is a tough napper.
-Everything seems to run late in our family and I can't seem to get ourselves set to an earlier schedule. We are getting up and ready later then we should, dinner is late, the kids get to bed late (average for the kids to be physically asleep is 9\9:30 but any meeting in the evening like church can often push it back way later! Garrett would easily stay up till 11 every night if he could get the chance.)
-Garrett is a horrible morning person and always has been. He is usually very grumpy. He usually wants to cuddle in the bed for a long time, he barely eats any breakfast (he is very, very picky with breakfast too and by the time we are finally ready to 'start our day' with school work he is 'starving.'), never wants to get himself dressed, etc. I know it sounds like Garrett is probably so bad in the morning because he is sleep deprived. But, I have actually charted his sleep and he gets enough! He goes to bed late but will easily sleep in very late too and he usually gets all the recommended amount of needed sleep for a kid his age.)
-Garrett is a horrible dwaddler and classic procrastinator at bedtime and I usually end up yelling, threatening, and getting frustrated. I have to (for my sanity) get both kids ready for bed at the same time. The problem is, Garrett draws it out soooo long that Tristan is way over due for bed by the time we are done. It leaves Tristan having a hard time falling asleep and he isn't getting enough sleep.
The night time thing is such a problem that there are many good things I feel we ought to be doing that are not getting consistently done: we used to read chapter books before bed as a family, having a family clean up time to help 'put the house to sleep", and Garrett really does need heavy doses of cuddling at bedtime to fill his love cup, but I am usually so done and its usually so late, that by the time we can cuddle I say no or cut it way too short.
Our current routine for bed looks something like this:
I really feel like the bedtime routine wouldn't be bad if Garrett would just stop fighting, dwaddling, and trying to delay the whole process. Part of the problem is me too- I have a hard time wanting to stop myself to start the whole process. The other problem is that there is not a real consistent time for bedtime to start. Its hard to have a start time when dinner isn't always the same time every day or dinner is at 7! Its hard to have a start time when I never even know when Brian will be home. So really, a lot of the problem is me. And maybe the solution really needs to start with me picking a time to switch into 'evening" mode even if my husband isn't home, and with me enforcing a "say good night to your friends" time, and "now its time to turn all electronics off for the day" time.
I'm just not good at this stuff. Its all very hard for me and my personality. And there are many things with my personality that just don't mix well with Garrett's personality. We class and make a big mess of things.
I'm totally whining here. But I can't get everything done. Good things I need to be doing with my kids aren't getting done. I am not a routine\schedule person and our family before kids never was much either. I keep saying I"m going to try Plan XYZ and I just never stick with it long enough for it to actually become a habit and to work.
Here are some of my challenges I'm up against:
-My baby never gets enough sleep. I just know he doesn't. I can't ever seem to give him constant naps (plus he just has never been a good napper.) The most consisted we are getting at this point is he will take a nap around 2ish- these very often happen in the car while I drive Garrett to his classes and then sit in the car while Tristan sleep. Some of my challenge of having a consistent nap is the fact I have a school aged homeschooled kid and a young toddler. But even when we are home all week, it doesn't happen. No matter what, he is a tough napper.
-Everything seems to run late in our family and I can't seem to get ourselves set to an earlier schedule. We are getting up and ready later then we should, dinner is late, the kids get to bed late (average for the kids to be physically asleep is 9\9:30 but any meeting in the evening like church can often push it back way later! Garrett would easily stay up till 11 every night if he could get the chance.)
-Garrett is a horrible morning person and always has been. He is usually very grumpy. He usually wants to cuddle in the bed for a long time, he barely eats any breakfast (he is very, very picky with breakfast too and by the time we are finally ready to 'start our day' with school work he is 'starving.'), never wants to get himself dressed, etc. I know it sounds like Garrett is probably so bad in the morning because he is sleep deprived. But, I have actually charted his sleep and he gets enough! He goes to bed late but will easily sleep in very late too and he usually gets all the recommended amount of needed sleep for a kid his age.)
-Garrett is a horrible dwaddler and classic procrastinator at bedtime and I usually end up yelling, threatening, and getting frustrated. I have to (for my sanity) get both kids ready for bed at the same time. The problem is, Garrett draws it out soooo long that Tristan is way over due for bed by the time we are done. It leaves Tristan having a hard time falling asleep and he isn't getting enough sleep.
The night time thing is such a problem that there are many good things I feel we ought to be doing that are not getting consistently done: we used to read chapter books before bed as a family, having a family clean up time to help 'put the house to sleep", and Garrett really does need heavy doses of cuddling at bedtime to fill his love cup, but I am usually so done and its usually so late, that by the time we can cuddle I say no or cut it way too short.
Our current routine for bed looks something like this:
- -ideally having a clean up time but this isn't always happening. At some point Garrett has to sit on the toilet too. Its suppose to be after dinner but we keep forgetting.
- -bath- I used to skip this all the time but now the baby is always so dirty they take one almost every day. The problem is it ends up way too long. They like to play in there and its my fault: I'm alway cleaning the kitchen so I let them take a long time in there.
- -get on diapers\pjs
- -have a night time snack. This is the worse. This is where Garrett really dwaddles. I would love to skip this but he is adamant about it because he is such a horrible eater at dinner these days he is always hungry at bed time.
- -Both kids go to the bathroom to brush teeth. Again, this is where I'm constantly 'on' Garrett because he is goofing off and dwaddling to take as long as possible. Tristan is yelling and screaming a fit about getting his teeth brushed.
- -Then to my bed where I read a book to the kids together
- -At this point Garrett is suppose to go to his room and quietly read books. Sometimes Brian will cuddle with him or read him books. I stay in my room with Tristan to get him to sleep (I always 'parent' him to sleep, which I am fine and comfortable with, except it can be hard for Tristan to relax after all that pre-bed tension.)
- -Once Tristan is asleep I go downstairs to cuddle with Garrett and will usually read him another book (unless I"m super lucky and he already fell asleep.) Garrett really does need that bedtime cuddling\connection time with me. And I'm happy to give it to him. But the bad part is he once again can be engaged when he already has been relaxed- its like he has one last ditch effort to put off going to sleep. He isn't always like that but lately (past few months) he has been back to the whole 'I'm scared of my room' problem which we seem to battle frequently.
I really feel like the bedtime routine wouldn't be bad if Garrett would just stop fighting, dwaddling, and trying to delay the whole process. Part of the problem is me too- I have a hard time wanting to stop myself to start the whole process. The other problem is that there is not a real consistent time for bedtime to start. Its hard to have a start time when dinner isn't always the same time every day or dinner is at 7! Its hard to have a start time when I never even know when Brian will be home. So really, a lot of the problem is me. And maybe the solution really needs to start with me picking a time to switch into 'evening" mode even if my husband isn't home, and with me enforcing a "say good night to your friends" time, and "now its time to turn all electronics off for the day" time.
I'm just not good at this stuff. Its all very hard for me and my personality. And there are many things with my personality that just don't mix well with Garrett's personality. We class and make a big mess of things.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Martha The Dog, A Bit In Us All?
Martha the dog can speak because she eats alphabet soup. One day, one of her human family members is reading a book to the baby about a Dalmatian fire dog who is brave, important, and saves the day. Martha starts fantasizing about being a brave firehouse dog. She especially dreams of sliding down the firemen's pole. Despite her human friend's attempt, "But Martha..." at explaining Martha's fantasy is not anything like reality, Martha insists she will become a fire dog. She goes to the fire station and the firemen agree to have her as their dog even though she isn't a Dalmatian. They start to show her around the place but she is very eager to see the pole. When she finally sees the pole she is scared! What a shock. In her fantasy sliding down the pole was so much fun. She goes home to practice her fire-dog skills. First she tries to get dressed in fire gear but can't do it. Then she attempts to climb a ladder, for surely this is a very important skill for her to have. But she can't climb a ladder either! Finally, she practices holding a water hose but she fails miserably. She simples pokes holes in the hose and water sprayers everyone! She hangs her head, totally miserable and feeling like a failure. She realizes she can't do this. She thinks she is no good and simply can't be a fire dog. She goes to the fire house and tells them all her down falls and resigns. But the firemen look at her and say, "but Martha, fire dogs don't do any of those things!" She then went on to learn that her real value as a fire dog was not in climbing ladders or holding a hose or wearing special clothes but was actually in her ability to smell and locate fires.
This children's story got me to thinking. How often are we like Martha the dog? In some way we get a picture in our head of what or who we should be. These messages often are rather negative or not realistic and very often come from society. We hold onto to these expectations and beliefs even when our trusted love ones says "but Martha..." We believe we should be skinny, fit, flirtatious, smart but not too smart or geeky, we should have it all, be it all, and do what ever it takes to get us there. Some of the fantasies we hold are not bad or wrong but are simply unrealistic and warped in our minds or stem from a misunderstanding our true selves. We think we should have the perfect food storage, 100% visiting teaching every month, never yell at our kids, be amazing cooks, be perfect wives, and fabulous housekeepers. Satan or society has a way of making even great qualities and great aspirations to become stumbling blocks. We want to be good, we want to do the right things, but we are constantly falling short and can't live up to our high expectations of our selves. The result? We are discouraged and stunted. Perhaps we decide to give up, like Martha the dog, and in the process we never develop our real talent or realize our real beauty as an individual and as a daughter of God.
What do we need to do? Like Martha the dog we might need to consider where we are getting our messages from. Are we getting our mental image of our value from the world ? Martha got her fantasy based off a book and disregarded her loving friend trying to explain other wise. Martha also jumped into the fire house dog job with out really learning about the job and asking the real authorities what her role would be. How much frustration and heartache would she have saved if she would have talked to the firemen and learned what exactly her job was! Where are we getting our messages from? Is it from God? Are we studying His words and praying to know truly what He wants from us? Or are we basing our fantasies and our expectations of ourselves from the world's voice? Are we expecting too much from ourselves and allowing fear, Satan, or perfectionism to cause great goals to become stumbling blocks? Are we willing to ask questions and look at our assumptions and stop and listen when our trusted friend (Jesus or our husband or our girlfriend, or our mom) says "but Martha...."?
I am always amazed at how loving and patient our Heavenly Father is. He loves us so much and wants us to realize our true potential. He knows us so well and He knows all that we can be and all that we one day will be. It is Him we need to go to to completely understand what our fantasies, expectations, and goals should be. He will show us our value, our true value. It should not be the world. It should not be Satan's whisperings turning good and honorable goals and expectations into stumbling blocks. We are all God's children. He loves us and yes, no matter how far off the path we have gotten thinking we need to be a certain type of person, like Martha, we can go to Him and really learn what He wants us to be and what we should aspire too. With true knowledge from Him, with true understanding, hard work, and His grace we can be that woman He designed us to be and ignore the voices of the world.
This children's story got me to thinking. How often are we like Martha the dog? In some way we get a picture in our head of what or who we should be. These messages often are rather negative or not realistic and very often come from society. We hold onto to these expectations and beliefs even when our trusted love ones says "but Martha..." We believe we should be skinny, fit, flirtatious, smart but not too smart or geeky, we should have it all, be it all, and do what ever it takes to get us there. Some of the fantasies we hold are not bad or wrong but are simply unrealistic and warped in our minds or stem from a misunderstanding our true selves. We think we should have the perfect food storage, 100% visiting teaching every month, never yell at our kids, be amazing cooks, be perfect wives, and fabulous housekeepers. Satan or society has a way of making even great qualities and great aspirations to become stumbling blocks. We want to be good, we want to do the right things, but we are constantly falling short and can't live up to our high expectations of our selves. The result? We are discouraged and stunted. Perhaps we decide to give up, like Martha the dog, and in the process we never develop our real talent or realize our real beauty as an individual and as a daughter of God.
What do we need to do? Like Martha the dog we might need to consider where we are getting our messages from. Are we getting our mental image of our value from the world ? Martha got her fantasy based off a book and disregarded her loving friend trying to explain other wise. Martha also jumped into the fire house dog job with out really learning about the job and asking the real authorities what her role would be. How much frustration and heartache would she have saved if she would have talked to the firemen and learned what exactly her job was! Where are we getting our messages from? Is it from God? Are we studying His words and praying to know truly what He wants from us? Or are we basing our fantasies and our expectations of ourselves from the world's voice? Are we expecting too much from ourselves and allowing fear, Satan, or perfectionism to cause great goals to become stumbling blocks? Are we willing to ask questions and look at our assumptions and stop and listen when our trusted friend (Jesus or our husband or our girlfriend, or our mom) says "but Martha...."?
I am always amazed at how loving and patient our Heavenly Father is. He loves us so much and wants us to realize our true potential. He knows us so well and He knows all that we can be and all that we one day will be. It is Him we need to go to to completely understand what our fantasies, expectations, and goals should be. He will show us our value, our true value. It should not be the world. It should not be Satan's whisperings turning good and honorable goals and expectations into stumbling blocks. We are all God's children. He loves us and yes, no matter how far off the path we have gotten thinking we need to be a certain type of person, like Martha, we can go to Him and really learn what He wants us to be and what we should aspire too. With true knowledge from Him, with true understanding, hard work, and His grace we can be that woman He designed us to be and ignore the voices of the world.
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