A few days ago I wrote a post but I"m not sure I want to share it yet. So here is another post about my life in general.
The rat race is on. Brian is officially writing another book. Its a long, complicated story on how he became the author of this book when he was only suppose to be the technical editor. But suffice to say, he has a talent for mending, patching, and fixing projects gone array. It sure is a stressful talent! He has to write about 200 pages of content in less then a month as well as write a term paper and keep up with his other school assignments. And oh, yeah, something about a full-time job that is also very demanding right now! For me this all means having a husband is might be here in body but is not available. I have to run the house hould\family myself and generally keep Garrett from bugging Brian too much. And in case anyone is wondering- no, writing a book is not glamorous. At least technical books aren't. It is tedious, slow, time consuming, and mentally exhausting. And the money doesn't seem to make up for all the hard work! Its also difficult when the editor is being very strict and limiting.
I had a pretty enjoyable weekend. I went to a pot-luck hosted by my midwives. It is such a fun community of people to hang out with. Its nice talking to other parents who are like-minded and to share stories and such. I also was fortunate to go out with two of my best friends with out kids! (well, I had the baby. Thanks to my dad for watching Garrett!) I've known these girls for about 5 years and I really can't remember a time of us doing anything together without our kids! I really enjoy their company and they are both so funny. The topic of conversation was still centered on our kids a lot as we were discussing homeschooling for a large majority of the time. I feel so fortunate to have friends who are always available to support me and hopefully I get to support them too. Its been fun to watch our children grow up and watch each other grow as mothers and people. I really feel so fortunate to have such a community of people around me... my mommy friends, church friends, friends through work, my homeschool friends, my childhood friends, my neighbors. I have never felt such part of a community before now!
I made a big decision this past week. I went to my regular doctor and received a prescription to help with anxiety. I've been dealing with anxiety/depression for over a year. About 80% of the time I feel fine but 20% I'm not and that 20% feels pretty horrible! I have taken a natural approach earlier to dealing with it and it helped a lot. But I finally decided that with all the life chances I've gone through lately, it being winter (winter is worse for me!), its been hard to exercise and hard to do self-care in general, I decided I wanted to do something that was a sure thing. Because why feel bad if I don't have to? And why feel bad when there is so much at stake (my happiness, me being a good mom to my kids and available as a wife.) So I did it. Sadly the medication is making me feel a bit sick and I've been a bit sleep deprived lately. But I know the side effects will go away soon.
Lastly, my house is a mess! I can't seem to catch up. Its been hard to stick to routines since having the baby. I'm trying. It seems I do good for a short time and then not so good. I"m hoping my sweet mom will come over soon and help me either clean or just play with my kids so I can have some time to clean. (Cleaning your own house feels really good sometimes!) I think two of the hardest parts about being a mom is never having time to finish a project- everything is done is short periods of time. Second, always seeing your work being undone...."what? I have to do laundry again?? I just did that!" I"m always feeling "behind" in so many areas of my life. But I'm trying to remember what Fly Lady says. She says we are never behind. We are right where we are.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Something Isn't Right!
I"m really starting to think Tristan might have reflux. His colic\gassiness really had improved over the past last few weeks. But we are dealing with an alarming (rather, distressing) amount of issues which finally lead me to doing some internet searching last night. I really think something isn't right. I don't know if its reflux, allergies, or what. I have been pretty sure that he doesn't tolerate dairy in my diet, so I have avoiding it. So I'm wondering if he has reflux or some other allergy type symptoms, or a combination of both? I hope the doctor can get to the bottom of it.
The most distress and tiring symptom we are dealing with is Tristan waking up screaming. He falls asleep pretty easy for naps and bedtime but is waking up a lot, especially during the day and its a very high pitch, deafening scream with no warning signals. He does this screaming at least once a night too where as before he really was only waking up to nurse (and he doesn't want to nurse during these crying episodes.) He also seems to be mostly asleep during these screaming fits. Tonight was hard. He kept waking up every 5 to 10 minutes after he fell asleep and I just now finally have him next to me sleeping in the swing. When he cries he also puts his arms up and leans back. He is also coming off the breast during feedings crying. This doesn't happen all the time, but often enough. I feel like lately I don't know what he wants. He acts hungry but then cries and screams at the breast. Its hard for me feeling like I can't "read" him.
He has had a variety of gas, screaming, fussiness at the breast since birth but we have always contributed it to my over-active let down and over supply and to dairy in my diet. (Read this article to learn about colic in breastfeed babies.) But he has gotten a lot better at dealing with the flow of the milk and my body is finally calming down with the milk production, but now all of a sudden he is back to the screaming during feeds. Combine all of this screaming with spitting up, hiccups, wet burps... I'm just frustrated for him and myself.
The most distress and tiring symptom we are dealing with is Tristan waking up screaming. He falls asleep pretty easy for naps and bedtime but is waking up a lot, especially during the day and its a very high pitch, deafening scream with no warning signals. He does this screaming at least once a night too where as before he really was only waking up to nurse (and he doesn't want to nurse during these crying episodes.) He also seems to be mostly asleep during these screaming fits. Tonight was hard. He kept waking up every 5 to 10 minutes after he fell asleep and I just now finally have him next to me sleeping in the swing. When he cries he also puts his arms up and leans back. He is also coming off the breast during feedings crying. This doesn't happen all the time, but often enough. I feel like lately I don't know what he wants. He acts hungry but then cries and screams at the breast. Its hard for me feeling like I can't "read" him.
He has had a variety of gas, screaming, fussiness at the breast since birth but we have always contributed it to my over-active let down and over supply and to dairy in my diet. (Read this article to learn about colic in breastfeed babies.) But he has gotten a lot better at dealing with the flow of the milk and my body is finally calming down with the milk production, but now all of a sudden he is back to the screaming during feeds. Combine all of this screaming with spitting up, hiccups, wet burps... I'm just frustrated for him and myself.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Hello Blogging World
Its been a while since I have posted. To be honest, I'm not sure if I really want to continue to blog. I have two main reasons for this. The first reason is, I find it hard to take the time to write and thus it is one more thing in my life I feel like I'm neglecting. The second reason is, I have a hard time sharing my thoughts with others in many ways. I often feel like I never do a good job explaining my own thoughts and feelings. I often feel emotionally vulnerable after sharing.
But here for now, is a short list of what has been going on on my life and things I had thought "oh I should blog about this" but then never did.
My friend invited us to a party to celebrate an Indian holiday. The holiday celebrates the rice harvest and the fact that the days start to get longer and warmer once again. There was great company, dancing, panting of rhythm sticks, great food, and talk about Indian culture and customs. Great fun!
Tristan and Garrett both received their baby naming and blessing at church. Brian, Grandma Doris, Grandma Baskin, Grandpa Boehm, Aunt Heather, and 3 cousins were able to come. It went really well. Tristan received his blessing during Sacrament by one of our home-teachers and Garrett received his blessing after church by our other home teacher.
That same day, I received a new church calling. I'm now on the board to help plan and implement our church's weekday activities for women (formally called the Enrichment Board.) At the same time, Girl's Camp prep is underway! We are now planning our fundraiser for the year (another babysitting night for the members of our church.)
Brian went on his annual 10 day business trip to St. Louis. I decided to take a trip to visit my brothers and nieces in PA for a few days. We stayed in a hotel this time because the baby still tends to cry a lot at night. It was a great visit. I also got to see my best friend from my childhood, Cindy and meet her new baby. Sadly, my brother's (who has a different mother) mother became sick unexpectedly and then passed away the night I left for home.
After my trip to PA and while Brian was still away, my (newest) dryer died. My dad came over and diagnosis-ed the problem. Brian came home with 10 days worth of dirty laundry before the dryer was fixed. A few days later my dad repaired it. But something must have gone wrong in the process of putting it together and now it still is sort-of-broken. It only works sometimes! And it only dries small loads. Its been very frustrating and I still have not had it completely fixed. Ugg! In this process as well, my washroom has been torn apart as well which is kind of good because its forcing me to purge and organize my craft\kid corner.
My dad was in a car accident. I'm sad about this. It makes life complicated for everyone. But he is ok besides a really sore back.
We had a meeting with Child Find to discuss getting Garrett evaluated for speech and his fine motor skills. It went ok. Kind of weird. I don't' think they are going to be able to help us.
Last week was just a crummy week. One of those weeks things just don't go well. But we had a fun trip to Port Discovery and I meet another like-minded mommy there! I went to a LLL meeting which was great and meet a new lady who is about to give birth with my midwife in attendance. I talked to a mom on the phone who recently had a loss and was able to support her a bit. We had our first meeting with the YW to plan the camp fundraiser and that went great. So it was a bad week but I meet 3 new friends and we did some fun stuff.
After the Y.W. meeting I locked Tristan in the car by accident. First time that has happened. It was snowing. Luckily Brian was at home and I was jsut about 15 min away at church. So Brian came to the rescue. Tristan cried himself to sleep in the van while I waited. How sad. But hey, it could have happened earlier in the day when I was in Baltimore! Now I"m aware of how it happened which will help me be conscious to not let it happen again.
I woke up 2 days in a roll with a plugged up ear. I was also not feeling too well. Turns out I had a cold and an ear plugged with ear wax! The doctor irrigated my ear out. That was weird. Not exactly painful but not fun either. We all have colds, including the baby, but at least it is not too bad.
Snow! Two big snow storms. Storm #1 Brian was in D.C. for the weekend. I managed to dig a small spot for him to pull into once he came home. He make it home Sunday night but it was a very long process to make it from D.C. to our house. Been in the house a long time and yet my house is messy and I"m not getting much of anything done. I wish I could go sledding. Brian has had no work all week so far.
Brian is working on a book project that isn't going too well (not his fault.) He is busy with a demanding school class. Basically he is home but still working all the time and not available.
I'm still spending a lot of time and energy trying to figure out our homeschool style and trying to get into some sort of routine for me and the kids. I"m enjoying finding all kinds of (free) "living books" to introduce Garrett too. The routine thing is such a hard thing for me. Starting today we are working on following a specific evening\bedtime routine for the next 6 weeks as a family. Pray for us! haha.
But here for now, is a short list of what has been going on on my life and things I had thought "oh I should blog about this" but then never did.
My friend invited us to a party to celebrate an Indian holiday. The holiday celebrates the rice harvest and the fact that the days start to get longer and warmer once again. There was great company, dancing, panting of rhythm sticks, great food, and talk about Indian culture and customs. Great fun!
Tristan and Garrett both received their baby naming and blessing at church. Brian, Grandma Doris, Grandma Baskin, Grandpa Boehm, Aunt Heather, and 3 cousins were able to come. It went really well. Tristan received his blessing during Sacrament by one of our home-teachers and Garrett received his blessing after church by our other home teacher.
That same day, I received a new church calling. I'm now on the board to help plan and implement our church's weekday activities for women (formally called the Enrichment Board.) At the same time, Girl's Camp prep is underway! We are now planning our fundraiser for the year (another babysitting night for the members of our church.)
Brian went on his annual 10 day business trip to St. Louis. I decided to take a trip to visit my brothers and nieces in PA for a few days. We stayed in a hotel this time because the baby still tends to cry a lot at night. It was a great visit. I also got to see my best friend from my childhood, Cindy and meet her new baby. Sadly, my brother's (who has a different mother) mother became sick unexpectedly and then passed away the night I left for home.
After my trip to PA and while Brian was still away, my (newest) dryer died. My dad came over and diagnosis-ed the problem. Brian came home with 10 days worth of dirty laundry before the dryer was fixed. A few days later my dad repaired it. But something must have gone wrong in the process of putting it together and now it still is sort-of-broken. It only works sometimes! And it only dries small loads. Its been very frustrating and I still have not had it completely fixed. Ugg! In this process as well, my washroom has been torn apart as well which is kind of good because its forcing me to purge and organize my craft\kid corner.
My dad was in a car accident. I'm sad about this. It makes life complicated for everyone. But he is ok besides a really sore back.
We had a meeting with Child Find to discuss getting Garrett evaluated for speech and his fine motor skills. It went ok. Kind of weird. I don't' think they are going to be able to help us.
Last week was just a crummy week. One of those weeks things just don't go well. But we had a fun trip to Port Discovery and I meet another like-minded mommy there! I went to a LLL meeting which was great and meet a new lady who is about to give birth with my midwife in attendance. I talked to a mom on the phone who recently had a loss and was able to support her a bit. We had our first meeting with the YW to plan the camp fundraiser and that went great. So it was a bad week but I meet 3 new friends and we did some fun stuff.
After the Y.W. meeting I locked Tristan in the car by accident. First time that has happened. It was snowing. Luckily Brian was at home and I was jsut about 15 min away at church. So Brian came to the rescue. Tristan cried himself to sleep in the van while I waited. How sad. But hey, it could have happened earlier in the day when I was in Baltimore! Now I"m aware of how it happened which will help me be conscious to not let it happen again.
I woke up 2 days in a roll with a plugged up ear. I was also not feeling too well. Turns out I had a cold and an ear plugged with ear wax! The doctor irrigated my ear out. That was weird. Not exactly painful but not fun either. We all have colds, including the baby, but at least it is not too bad.
Snow! Two big snow storms. Storm #1 Brian was in D.C. for the weekend. I managed to dig a small spot for him to pull into once he came home. He make it home Sunday night but it was a very long process to make it from D.C. to our house. Been in the house a long time and yet my house is messy and I"m not getting much of anything done. I wish I could go sledding. Brian has had no work all week so far.
Brian is working on a book project that isn't going too well (not his fault.) He is busy with a demanding school class. Basically he is home but still working all the time and not available.
I'm still spending a lot of time and energy trying to figure out our homeschool style and trying to get into some sort of routine for me and the kids. I"m enjoying finding all kinds of (free) "living books" to introduce Garrett too. The routine thing is such a hard thing for me. Starting today we are working on following a specific evening\bedtime routine for the next 6 weeks as a family. Pray for us! haha.
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