Well, Tristan is just 2 days shy of 13 months and a much watched for and anticipated milestone is upon me. I've suspected to reach this milestone "any day now" for a month. My anticipation started the week of Tristan's first birthday, as I thought, "surely it will happen soon." But no, it alluded itself for one more month. Then for the past week I started having very strong suspicions that it surely was upon me. And now tonight, yup, it has arrived.
My menstrual cycle is back. Is this perhaps the final stage of the life cycle of my pregnancy? Well, no, I think weaning would be the final stage.) But it is certainly monumental.
With my very first pregnancy with Sierra Mae, which ended with a loss at 20 weeks, my period returned so quickly it felt so wrong! How could I go from being pregnant, to not being pregnant, to having my milk come in, to having my period so fast??! I suppose from a biological stand point, when breastfeeding didn't happen my body got the message that there was no baby, and well, if there is no baby, lets work on making another one! With my second pregnancy with Garrett, my post-labor bleeding lasted a full 6 weeks. I was going up and down the steps and lifting stuff way too much. Lesson learned. But once that was finally over, my period didn't return until the week Garrett turned a year old. I was pretty happy with that even though I knew many breastfeeding moms who enjoyed an even long hiatus then a year. I was a bit envious. I would even occasionally run into mothers at our local La Leche League meetings whose fertility had not returned who were wanting to get pregnant. I did however, have one unfortunate friend whose period returned within a few months of her baby's birth despite exclusive and very frequent breastfeeding. At least that wasn't me! Poor girl. With my 3rd baby, Tristan, my post pardum bleeding went away a lot easier and went away quicker this time thanks to not lifting anything or doing steps for 2 weeks and fully relishing the "baby moon." But I unexpectedly started bleeding, slightly, again somewhere around 6-8 weeks PP. I called my midwife. Is my period returning already?? Am I the unfortunate one this time? Or am I doing too much and my body is still not all back together? She told me she had recently had a string of moms whose period returned early despite exclusive breastfeeding. I finally went in for my last check up and I was spotting. But my uterus was back to normal and the midwife said everything looked great- and I was feeling great (except for some PP.) But then just like that it was gone. I had a total of two very light spouts of period-like bleedings for 5 days and then it went away.
And now it has returned. Probably for good now. Am I really happy about it? Well, no. No I am not. Having your period isn't something the modern day young lady is ever taught to appreciate. But I told myself months and months ago that when my cycle returned I would try to embrace it and celebrate it. If not for the actual event, then at least for what it means. I want to (try) to extend my new found respect and revere that I have discovered for my body, myself, and for the process of giving life which my natural, conscious pregnancy and homebirth with Tristan has taught me.
So here it is: Having my menses return reminds me that I have a life giving, functioning womb. My menses is one vital part necessary for me to bring my precious babies into the world. This signifies that I (most likely) can surely get pregnant again at this point, if I so desired. What joy that really is! The gift of fertility. Of every month my body preparing a safe, nutritious place for my new baby to grow if I did happen to conceive a new life. And when it doesn't happen, it cleans up and starts all over again! Even though I don't want to get pregnant right now (and maybe never will have the chance again?!) I am grateful and honored to have the blessing of fertility. Having my menses return gives me reason to ponder, once again, how amazing my body is. What amazing bodies Heavenly Father has created for us. The more I learn about fertility, conception, pregnancy, labor, birth, and lactation the more amazed I am at these tabernacles of clay. And to think that there is still so much to be discovered about how our bodies help us rise to the challenge of being mothers. And how our bodies help us to be mothers in complete love, adoration, and attachment with our babies, in ways we don't fully understand yet..
Here is to the ability to get pregnant and to bring other sweet babies into the world....even if I don't ever get another chance.
Now, if anyone has any ideas how I can celebrate this milestone in a meaningful way, in a way that embraces womanhood, let me know! I think I will add a quilt square to my Blessingway art mural.
